I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's never too late to be topless.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
