never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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