when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize