If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
