Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
