oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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