Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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