Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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