just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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