i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
