I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
FUCK WHALES
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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