you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
