I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
