I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
