tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
