I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
