i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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