you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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