And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
