Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
