My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
