She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
