I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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