Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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