Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
