nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
