I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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