I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
