Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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