Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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