summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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