god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
