He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
