Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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