Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
