im about as happy as oj after his trial
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
