Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
