After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Found the puke drawer
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
