i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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