woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
