Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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