good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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