friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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