i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
