im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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