We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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