I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize