i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
