the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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