Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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