Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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