maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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