I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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