Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
