I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
