im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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