She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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