she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
