If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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