ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
