you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
