His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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