I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
