I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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